The Tweet Watch
Your source of tweets that matter!
Search Tweets:
Similar Profiles:
PaulyPeligroso
87,326 Followers.
895 Friends.
I do comedy. I swallowed a marble once.
Yes, I will have the eggplant parmesan with the fettuccine alfredo, and the lady will be having....THIS DICK! *forces high 5 upon waiter*
Feb 14
no reply
The thing about "Your Mother" jokes is that they're old, lame, and used up...just like your mother. #Nailed #It
Jan 12
no reply
If you drink 12 Bud Lights and yell "Dale!" into a mirror, Pitbull will appear.
Jan 5
no reply
Eating a McRib is the closest I'll ever get to a yoga mat because I'm positive they're made of the same thing.
Dec 20
no reply
Date 20 dudes a year and you're a slut, but date 20 dudes a year and write songs about them and you're Taylor Swift.
Dec 11
no reply
And just when I was like "Who sings this rap song?" the rapper yells his name. Then does so again every 16 seconds.
Nov 17
no reply
Elmo walking around Sesame Street door to door and telling everyone that he's a sex offender is going to be the cutest shit ever.
Nov 13
no reply
Here's a fun Halloween drinking game! Every time you see an Asian dude dressed as Psy, murder them.
Oct 27
no reply
Oh, that? That's my fake mustache in case I have to go through a fast food drive-thru twice in one day.
Oct 23
no reply
The fastest way to burn 1,000 calories is to forget that you had a pizza in the oven.
Oct 19
no reply
There's a dude wearing TOMS in a H&M right now. I'm not at a mall or anything, but I just fucking know it's happening.
Oct 17
no reply
Ever get so high that you lose your cell phone then you try to call it on your cell phone?
Oct 15
no reply
I love those Corona commercials because, if you drink Corona, you deserve to be stranded on a desert island.
Oct 12
no reply
Lamborghini Mercy. Your chick she so thirsty. Give her something to drink, you fucking asshole.
Sep 29
no reply
"Sorry, we don't have Coke. Only Pepsi." I angrily whispered to myself as I watched the restaurant go up in flames.
Sep 28
no reply
"Hey, does my penis taste funny to you?" is an easy to trick women into giving you a blow job.
Sep 16
1 reply
Get a teardrop tattoo and tell the ladies you got it 'cause you cried at a wedding once.
Sep 9
no reply
Getting a gun rack installed in my car to hold all my burritos while I drive.
Sep 6
no reply
Asked some 1 year old what his name was and he didn't know. What a fucking idiot.
Aug 27
no reply
It's sad that Kim Kardashian will never love Kanye West as much as Kanye West loves Kanye West.
Aug 21
no reply
previous
1
2
3
4
5
...
12
next
Home
About
FAQ
Contact
Terms
Privacy
Tweeters
Topics
API
Advertise
Tweet
Built By Singular Technologies, Copyright 2010
