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Carrie_Br4dshaw
493,228 Followers.
6,109 Friends.
Author, Writer & Louboutins/Jimmy Choos lover! I like my money right where I can see it... Hanging in my closet. Parody carriebr4dshaw@gmail.com
Maybe the reason Cinderella was so happy wasn't because of the Prince, but because of the shoes.
3 days ago
39 replies
Instead of getting periods, can girls just get a text once a month from mother nature saying "You're not pregnant, have a nice day!"
Sep 28
no reply
I hate when old people poke me at weddings, point & whisper, "you're next", So I've started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Sep 2
no reply
Calories are tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter every night.
Aug 28
no reply
Unfortunately, my daydreams of being skinny are always interrupted by the sound of my own chewing.
Aug 22
no reply
I can't walk past a shoe shop without staring like a stalker through the window.
Aug 14
1 reply
Sometimes, when my underwear matches my outfit, I really feel like I have my life together.
Aug 8
no reply
Sometimes the best response is nothing. And sometimes it's go fuck yourself But mostly, its go fuck yourself...
Aug 1
no reply
I just want someone to treat me the delusionally way I think I should be treated.
Jul 19
no reply
I don't have time to hate people who hate me, because I'm too busy loving people who love me.
Jul 2
no reply
Going shopping with money and can't find nothing. Going shopping without money and wanting everything!
Jun 27
1 reply
Saying "we can still be friends" after a breakup, is like saying "hey the dog died but we can still keep it."
Jun 23
no reply
Do not fear the enemy that attacks you, but beware the fake friend that hugs you.
Jun 22
no reply
I dont have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude and that's not my problem.
Jun 21
no reply
Unfortunately, my daydreams of being skinny are always interrupted by the sound of my own chewing.
Jun 20
no reply
Friendships must be built on a strong foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness and shenanigans...
Jun 19
1 reply
I love when people remember the small things you thought they'd forget... that makes them even more special.
Jun 16
no reply
Dear Diet, things just aren't working out between us. It's not me, it's you. You're tasteless, boring and I keep cheating on you.
Jun 14
no reply
People say you never know what you have til its gone. Well I know what I had, and Im glad you're gone.
Jun 14
no reply
I want the kind of head injury where I wake up and Channing Tatum tells me he's my husband.
Jun 13
no reply
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